ABOUT THE CORPORATION
The Grimble Corporation was founded in 1962 by Dr. B.T. Grimble, Doctor of Products, in Grimble Falls, Ohio (do not look for it). The Corporation designs, evaluates, and distributes Items for the modern household: recreational instruments, domestic sciences, specimen care, provisions, and certain Items about which information is available to Tier 3 personnel.
Behind the Corporation is a small independent shop. The Corporation calls the shop its front. The shop says the same of the Corporation. The Items are real. The shipping is real. The returns and the refunds are real. The rest is the Corporation's business.
The catalog's illustrations are prepared by the Corporation's art department, which works through the night and does not take questions. The Item you receive is the real one, exactly as described under WHAT ARRIVES, and usually less dramatic.
Any resemblance to actual corporations is a coincidence the Corporation has already filed under.
DISPATCH & RETURNS
Where. Everywhere. The Corporation ships worldwide, and interdimensionally where the post allows.
Cost. Free. The Corporation absorbs all freight.
Dispatch. Within 5 business days, from the Corporation's depository, which is very far away and is not disclosed. A confirmation email arrives at once, and your tracking number follows the moment your Item departs.
Delivery. Two to four weeks for most Items, depending on where in the world you reside. The Item is not slow. The world is large. Your tracking may show it passing through places you did not expect; it is seeing the world before it settles down with you. Should an Item lose its way, write to us and the Corporation will find it, or send another.
Packaging. Your Item may arrive in plain wrapping, or wearing the label of an unrelated concern. The Corporation travels under many names. Send nothing to the name on the label; write to us instead.
Several Items. They may arrive separately, on different days. They were not raised together.
Damaged, wrong or missing. Tell us within 14 days of delivery, with your order number and photos. We replace it or refund it in full.
Cancellations. Write to us at once. If your order has not yet begun processing, we cancel it and refund you in full. Once it is processing, your Item is in the hands of people the Corporation has never met, in a building it has never seen, and it cannot be called back. This is not a metaphor.
Refunds. Back to your original payment method within 5 business days of approval.
PRIVACY MEMORANDUM
We collect what it takes to sell you an Item and deliver it: your name, address, email and order details. Payments are handled by our payment processors; we never see your card number.
- We do not sell or rent your personal information. To anyone. Ever.
- We share it only with the services that run the store, take payment and deliver your order.
- Like most stores, we use cookies to run the site and to measure our advertising.
- We email you about your orders. Anything more, only if you ask for it.
- For a copy of your data, or to have it deleted, write to support@grimblecorp.com.
The Corporation observes the Specimens. The Corporation does not observe you.
TERMS OF SERVICE
- Products are novelty and entertainment goods intended for the uses described on their pages. They are real physical products; the Corporation's stories describe no actual properties of any Item.
- Items marked NOT FOOD are not food.
- Prices, availability, and product details may change without notice. We may cancel and refund any order we cannot fulfill.
- To the maximum extent permitted by law, our liability for any claim is limited to the amount you paid for the Item in question. Nothing here limits rights you hold by statute.
- Small parts. Not for children under 3.
- The full Terms of Service apply to every order.
By reading this, you have already agreed. (Legally: you agree by placing an order.)
CORRESPONDENCE
Support desk. Write to support@grimblecorp.com. Every message is read and answered by a person within 2 business days. The person is real. The Corporation checked.
Wrong, damaged, or missing Items. Within 14 days of delivery, send your order number and photos of the Item, the packaging and the shipping label. It is replaced or refunded. The Corporation asks for photographs, not explanations.
The full papers. Privacy · Terms · Shipping · Returns · Contact and business details
THE HOTLINE RINGS IN THE BASEMENT. IF NO ONE ANSWERS, THE BASEMENT IS FULL. WRITE INSTEAD.